How to win an argument, without jeopardising your relationship.

Arguments… they are difficult emotional situations that many of us try to avoid. Some of us go to great lengths to avoid conflict whilst others appear to be ready at a moment’s notice.

In many instances’ healthy arguments can be good for your relationship, they can inform and challenge old thinking patterns or behaviours and resolve important and not so important issues.

However, unhealthy conflict that includes personal attacks, denying responsibility, blaming and sarcasm can become a major obstacle for many couples. It often masks the underlining or real issues that are occurring within yourself and within your relationship.

Here are my 6 tips on how you can manage and resolve your conflict with your partner respectfully and win every time.

Here are 6 do’s and don’ts to help you with this…

 1/ Replace your ‘YOU’ language with ‘I’ language, focus on the issue and your feelings not the other person and their faults or flaws.

2/ Switch your agenda from you trying to get your point across to trying to understand your partner and their perspective or their point of view.

3/ If things are getting heated and/or out of control; call a time out. Communicate with each other that you need some space to calm down and regroup. Plan a time to come back to the issue so it’s not left unresolved and honour that time.

4/ Change your dialogue, make requests instead of complaints. ‘Share’ rather than ‘Tell’.

5/ Listen more, conflict by definition is a difference of opinion. Healthy couples listen to learn, they want to understand their partners feelings and thoughts. Instead of responding with your own agenda, paraphrase what you have heard from your partner. 

6/ Apologise the right way. Be sincere and recognise you have hurt your partner and you are sorry for that behaviour.  Avoid the ‘but’ or ‘however’ trying to explain yourself with excuses it simply an empty  Remember to give your partner time to process and heal. Apologies will never be easy, but hopefully these tips will make them better.


One more thing… remember it is okay to agree to disagree at times. You are not always going to think the same and agree on everything.  But if you can collaborate an outcome that you are both happy with, your relationship will grow and thrive through trust, empathy and strong communication.


If you want change, start change.  Share this with your partner and start practicing together.

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