4 tips that will help you keep your spark alive after having kids!

Romantic relationships are among the greatest sources of happiness for many of us, yet it can also be the cause of lasting loneliness and sadness.

Why is it so hard to keep the romance alive after kids?

As children we learnt about the fairy-tale wedding but not a whole lot about what it takes to keep the spark alive after we have kids.

Fulfilling relationships are co-created. Couples who work together at keeping their relationship healthy by placing themselves ahead of their kids from time to time are more likely to stay together.

If you have a solid relationship where you prioritise each other with love, laughter, respect and empathy, your children will reap the rewards of a healthy and happy family environment.

Here are 4 tips that will help you keep your spark alive:

  • Avoid having unrealistic expectations of your partner – expecting to get all, or even most of your needs met is setting yourself up for disappointment. The reality is your partner cannot give you everything you need in any particular moment.
  • Stop focusing on what annoys you about your partner, ask yourself why did you fall in love with them in the first place? Couples who show gratitude and appreciation towards one another feel a deep sense of connection.
  • Understanding what makes you feel emotionally connected and loved may be very different to that of your partner’s. Emotional intimacy is built upon both partners being consistent and emotionally available to one another.  Open communication will support you in understanding each other’s differences and expectations.
  • Emotional wounding and defensiveness can spiral quickly out of control and traumatise your relationship. You need to be mindful of any negative communicative cycles.


While it can be easy to feel overwhelmed, just pick one thing that you both agree to work on and focus on changing your attitude and behaviours around this.

Over the years I have seen many couples make big differences in their relationship with simple strategies, through being consistent and positive in what change can look like moving forward together. Sometimes all it takes is one small change to get the ball rolling.

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