I don’t know about you, but I have never been a big fan of a new year’s resolution. Studies have shown that approximately 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail, that is because often our desire for change is deep; however, our motivation to achieve this is often sabotaged by other emotional needs that take precedent, setting us up for failure and disappointment.
What I like to do each year is what I call – Reflect and Review.
Reflect and Review is a process that you can do at any time, but I like to do this either in December or January
Reflect our first stage, is about you reflecting on your past year, what has worked for you and what has not. What self-behaviours you wish to keep or change and the thoughts that no longer serve you.
Take the time to reflect on common themes this past year that have dominated your internal narrative or thought processes. It could be positive thoughts that have supported your ability to thrive, grow and live a happy life or it could be negative thoughts such as: blaming, anger, resentment, which can create stagnation and in turn hinder your ability to grow and thrive crippling your ability for happiness.
To succeed in the reflection part of the process you need to reflect on your own actions, behaviour and thought processes, not that of others. If your mind wanders and starts to reflect in another direction bring it back to you!
In your reflection phase identify key areas that have impacted your ability this past year to move forward and achieve your desired intentions and goals for yourself.
The most important rule for any self-reflection activity is to be brutally honest with yourself!
Get your thoughts out of your head and place any self-sabotaging tactics that may hold you back from achieving future goals on paper, along with behaviours, or thoughts that will support you to be successful.
Once you have reflected on helpful and unhelpful behaviours, thoughts or feelings then it’s time to review.
Your yearly review will help you prepare for the new year. More importantly, reviewing helps you set the right goals and intentions for yourself.
The benefit of this review is that you will gain clarity and learn more about yourself, it is not about doing something to impress others or to gloss over your reality, it’s about preparing yourself for success.
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself during the review phase:
- What was the smartest decision I made this past year?
- What was the most loving thing I did for myself and my partner this past year?
- Any unfinished business – What have I left unfinished this past year?
- What thought processes dominated my thinking time this past year?
- What detrimental emotion or behaviour dominated me this past year (anger, resentment, blame)?
- What has worked for me this past year?
- What would I like to see more of (from myself) in the next year?
- What specific behaviour would I like to work on?
And lastly…
- How do I want to feel this time next year?
Be specific, keep it simple and don’t overload yourself with a list of changes.
If you say… “I want to be happy” then what does happiness look like to you? If you want to be more successful – what does that look like? If you want to have a better relationship, then what changes can you implement that will give you a greater chance to achieve your desired outcome?
Break it down and focus on one thing you can work on throughout the year and remember any positive behavioural change can have a domino effect on many other things in your life, all it takes is one small change.
So, instead of making a New Year’s resolution, set yourself up for success try the Reflect and Review activity.
