Do I smile more or cry more in my relationship?
All relationships have arguments or disagreements from time to time, that’s because we are all uniquely different. But are you constantly disagreeing? When you argue do you increasingly raise your voice, fighting your cause by using past issues and including content that is deliberately designed to hurt your partner?
Are you finding you are turning into a person that not even you recognise anymore?
Do I give myself freely to my relationship?
How much effort are you putting into your relationship? Do you feel exhausted, worn out and have made the conscious decision to stop trying? Has your partner decided to stop trying as well? Giving up and closing down encourages more discontent, through lack of communication, lack of emotional and physical intimacy preventing both parties experiencing happiness.
Do I feel safe in my relationship?
You deserve to feel safe and secure in any relationship. This consist of your partner being able to demonstrate respect, through being honest, trustworthy and mindful of your emotions and feelings. You want to feel safe and secure in the knowledge that your partner will stand by your side when life gets tricky, no matter what! Feeling safe is not limited to just feeling physically safe. It is important in all relationships to feel emotionally safe too. Do you believe your partner has your back? Does your partner support you in all areas of your life, including your job, raising the children, conflict with friends or family members or general hobbies and likes?
In any relationship, you are worthy to feel safe both physically and emotionally.
Am I sabotaging my relationship through low self-esteem and confidence?
In the years I have been a relationship counsellor, I have identified that for many couple’s low confidence and self-esteem has impacted their ability to maintain healthy relationships. Having low confidence can distort your perception of yourself and increase higher expectation of your partner, Low self-esteem or confidence can result in negative self-chatter, catastrophising scenarios in your mind, resulting in more damaging thinking processes and ultimately encouraging destructive behaviour that impacts your relationship.
Does this sound familiar to you or your partner?
Are my needs being met?
We all have needs and wants in our relationship. Everyone deserves to be with a partner who is willing to explore and listen to what you need and to work with you to have them met. However, if you do not communicate what you need, how is your partner supposed to know what you want? One of the main issues I have noticed when a relationship breaks down, is communication breakdown, communication ceases to exist and the first thing that is not discussed is generally each other’s needs. Of course, this goes both ways, expecting your partner to do all the work for you to meet your needs and receive nothing in return is unfair.
However, if you feel that you are the one putting in the hard yards and getting nothing in return, then I say its probably time to seek support and re-evaluate your relationship.
It is important for you to understand no one is going to be able to meet all your needs. Unfortunately for many of us, we sometimes expect its our partner’s responsibility to make us happy, when often we don’t know how to do this for ourselves! If you learn a different way in approaching your needs by taking the burden off the other person and equally distributing more evenly between you both, you will find your expectations of the other person will not be so high, thus resulting in less stress and tension between the two of you.
This mindset will benefit all of your relationships, including work colleagues and friendships.