Motherhood & Relationships

Losing your identity in motherhood?

You cannot give long term what you do not have! 

I see many women with children lose themselves in the role of ‘Mother’. Don’t get me wrong being a mum is one of the most important roles in society.

However, sometimes we forget there is another aspect to ourselves and our personality, and that is, being a Woman!  A woman who is sexual, sensual and who has needs of her own, these needs are often neglected by herself and her partner.

Does this sound familiar to you?

I find sometimes women just want to break free from their traditional role as Mother, and experience fun and exciting things with their partner, we want to connect with our partner and we want our partner to see us NOT only as a mother but as a Women.  A Woman who wants to be desired and wanted by her partner.

Sadly, for many of us, we choose to lose ourselves in motherhood and often we fall into the trap of not only playing mum to our children, but also to our partner!

We often use our ability to manage and/or control EVERYTHING and EVERYONE to the ‘nth degree’, creating a behavioral pattern of perfection that is hard to break and harder for our partners to live up to.

We don’t intentionally mean to create this environment for ourselves, but sometimes we micromanage everything possible just to keep our routine and sanity intact, and if it is not done right by our partner – WATCH OUT!

What I see in my consulting room is women desperate for physical (children/house hold chores) support from their partners, wanting their partner to take some of the load and when their partners do not step up, disappointment and conflict arise, emotional connection wanes, discontent and bitterness starts to creep into the relationship.

For some men, they have absolutely no idea what you need from them because we assume, they SHOULD know, rather than us communicating our needs effectively to them.

We now live in a modern society where are relationships have evolved from yesteryear. We need and want our partner to have a stronger emotional connection with us, we expect our partner to know and understand what our needs are both emotionally and environmentally, I find our expectations we have on each other is often unreasonable and at times unrealistic.

For many Mum’s, we can get so caught up in being a mother, managing children, work and household chores that we forget to check in with ourselves.

Having that strong connection with yourself, knowing who you are, what you need and want from yourself is vital in your personal growth and development. Recharging your emotional and physical batteries will definitely support you and prevent you from becoming fatigued and tired, because ‘you cannot give long term what you do not have!’

Don’t fall into the trap of convincing yourself that it is your partners job to fill your world with happiness. That is not their job as it is not yours for them. Self-preservation is vital for you own growth and development, give yourself permission to explore and be more curious about what you want in life for yourself as well as others. This will certainly benefit you and your loved ones.

And remember if you are struggling to find the real you, give me a call, make an appointment and lets work together to get you on the right track.            Joy

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