My Seven Deadly Sins of Communication are a guide for you to learn and understand if your language is sabotaging your happiness within your relationship.
In today’s blog we will talk about my number 1, Deadly Sin – Mind Reading.
But first, let me share with you my Seven Deadly Sins…
The seven Deadly Sins of Communication are…
(1) Mind reading
(2) Conflict avoidance – stonewalling
(3) Forgetting to listen
(4) Over generalising
(5) Being defensive
(6) Being right
(7) Playing the blame game
Not many of us are born to read the minds of others, but when we are in a relationship somehow, we all become experts in the field, or we assume our partner should know exactly what we are thinking, want and need.
When we falsely assume our partner understands our immediate expectations without the need to us to express them, we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment. Alternatively, when we assume we know what our partner is thinking and needing, and play a narrative (self-talk) in our mind, we can find ourselves hurt and let down because the assumptions are unfounded and false.
The real issue here is the lack of open and honest communication in your relationship. If you constantly feel like you have to mind read or ‘just know’ what your partner is thinking, feeling or how they will react or respond to you, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment and possibly disconnect. Mind reading rarely leads to healthy and positive outcomes.
So how can you make a shift in this damaging communication style?
Stop assuming you have all the answers regardless of past experiences.
I hear many clients refer back to past experiences to justify their mind-reading capabilities. Although this may be the case, it is important to remember our mind has the power to change and adapt to all situations. Challenge your internal narrative. If you are constantly thinking of your partner in a negative way, your behaviour toward them will likely be negative and/or reactional. This will affect your ability to sustain a loving and healthy relationship, as well as changing your own sense of self.
Accept your partner is NOT you!
Like you, they are uniquely different. They do not think, act or feel the same way as you do nor should they. No matter how close you are or how long you have been with your partner, no two people think, feel or process the world alike.
Understanding and accepting this will help you cultivate more meaningful conversations and build a stronger connection.
Be kind to yourself. Tap into your emotional state of mind. Listen to yourself. Understand what is triggering this projection to mind read. Try not to point the finger at your partner, go within. Become aware as to why you feel it’s easier to mind read rather than communicate openly and honestly with your partner.
Be conscious of what you need to communicate and the feelings that surround this. Start to distinguish the difference of your own feelings as opposed to the feelings and thoughts you experience when you anticipate and assume the end result.
And finally, be curious! Learn more about your partner; start asking open questions; listen to learn and practice expressing your own thoughts and feelings openly and honestly to avoid the need for you both to mind read.
And don’t forget… my Conscious Communication online program will be available to you in April!
This specialist program is designed specifically for you. I will guide you through the various stages that will support you and your partner to improve your communication and ultimately your connection.
It’s a compact counselling session in a neat little bundle completed by you in the comfort of your own home.
To register and enjoy the early bird bonus offer head to the link on my website.