How many times during the week do you choose to fight, bicker or judge your partner because “things are not done right” or “could be done better”?
Your self-talk might be saying “why didn’t they do it this way?” or “I wouldn’t have said or done that, why would they?”
The desire to be right or proven right is often a major source of conflict in many relationships.
For every couple I see I ask them this very question… “What is it you want from your relationship?” More often than not the first thing that is said to me is “I want to be loved and respected.”
Now, don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong in being right it’s a natural instinct, but are you prepared to sacrifice love all in the name of proving a point?
I see many couples get stuck in the repetitive cycle of trying to convince each other that their point of view is the ‘right’ point of view and the only way to look at things.
Let’s face it, we all like to be right because being right empowers us, it can make us feel more in control, maybe smarter, stronger and at times more superior.
However, when we get stuck with trying to prove our point, we can become defensive, our tone of voice changes, our language can become more aggressive and use hurtful words, things get said that do damage to the relationship bond.
For the recipient, they can feel powerless, inferior, less important, perhaps not good enough and their reaction may be to either retaliate or withdraw. When this occurs the equilibrium in your relationship changes and the love and respect begins to diminish.
This self-justification trap of needing to be perceived as always right on daily issues can sabotage your communication, your connection and ultimately your happiness.
So, let me ask you this would you rather be right or loved?
If you answer YES to being right, then it’s about creating awareness as to why being right is so important to you. What are your fears around being wrong or what are the consequences if your partner does not see eye to eye with you? Are you stuck in resentment and struggling to hear your partner’s point of view or concerns?
What about if your answer is YES to being loved? Are you prepared to listen, collaborate, be curious, learn? You may be right but are you open to sharing your thoughts and feelings through kind words, empathy, explaining your fears and concerns through effective communication rather than angst.
The choice is yours.
