Forgetting to Listen:
As discussed in my last blog ‘Mind Reading,’ the impact assuming our partners wants and needs, or assuming they know ours, can have on yourself as well as your relationship is profound … and not necessarily in a positive way.
Communication roadblocks play a large part in the breakdown of many relationships. For many couples, they know their communication needs work but are often unsure of what to do about it.
My Seven Deadly Sins of Communication are a guide for you to learn and understand if your language is sabotaging your happiness within your relationship.
My Seven Deadly Sins of Communication are a guide for you to learn and understand if your language is sabotaging your communication and your connection within your relationship.
The seven Deadly Sins of Communication are…
(1) Mind reading
(2) Conflict avoidance – stonewalling
(3) Forgetting to listen – (not actively listening)
(4) Over generalising
(5) Being defensive
(6) Being right
(7) Playing the blame game
The ability to communicate effectively with your partner is an important factor to any intimate relationship. Active listening plays a big role in supporting your connection and enhancing your ability to learn and grow within your relationship.
Knowing you and your partner are fully present, and are open to listening to each other and to consciously hear one another, enables you both to focus on the emotions and feelings you both may be experiencing. Active listening promotes clarity and the ability to respond more meaningfully and appropriately. Your partner will feel heard thus reducing the possibility of conflict through misunderstanding.
Over the years, I have observed various dynamics within relationships. When communication lines break down, it is usually because one or both partners stop listening to the other and focuses on their own agenda. Many couples get stuck in the cycle of arguing to win, rather than arguing to resolve.
I have also seen many couples get stuck in the unhealthy ‘fix it’ cycle. This is when one partner stops listening and offers their own solution to fix the issue or offers a dismissive solution to their partner’s concerns, without really listening to what they really need or want.
‘Fixing’ solutions are often done with the best intentions at heart, however this habitual cycle can cause grief for the non-fixer as they may not want a resolution, but rather an empathetic ear.
Being fully present in all conversations is vital to building a safe and secure bond that allows expression and vulnerability, without the fear of judgement, rejection and retribution.
Be conscious of what you need to communicate and the feelings that surround your needs. Try not to mind read and be reactive by getting angry. Anger is a secondary emotion – an automatic response to feeling hurt and pain. People mask their disappointment, sadness or frustration with anger because they feel uncomfortable addressing the real reason as to why they are hurting.
Often, they blame their partner with the rationale that their partner should know their needs and wants.
Think about the last time you were talking to your partner and you felt they were not really listening; how did this make you feel? How did you communicate with your partner what you needed from them? And… what was your behaviour or reaction to your partner when you felt unheard?
To overcome this, guide your partner, using open communication, of what you need from them. Do you want them to be your sounding board to simply listen, or are you looking for advice? Express at the beginning exactly what you need at that moment to avoid them of mind reading. Partnerships are about support and guidance and this is done through communication, empathy, and support.
One simple change in the way you communicate can make a significant difference in your relationship.
If you need further support head to my website for more details.
And don’t forget… my Conscious Communication online program is now available and at a very special launch price!
This guided program is designed to improve your communication and connection within your relationship.
It’s a compact counselling session to be completed by you in the comfort of your own home.
To take advantage of my special offer use the promo code LAUNCH100 at the checkout. This offer is only available till the end of May 2020