Getting the Clarity you Need in your Relationship.

I see so many couples who are in a reactive cycle pattern within their relationship and who are desperate to change this destructive behaviour, but don’t know how. Together we can change that – I have created an easy activity to help you bring about positive change in your relationship.

Create a Relationship Vision Statement

Firstly, we need to identify the area of your relationship you want to see change in.  To do this we need to get specific, so let’s start with your relationship vision. 

Now some of you may have taken up my free training offer prior to Christmas on how to create your Relationship Vision Statement. Don’t worry if you missed out, I will be offering it up again this year. 

Your Relationship Vision Statement is a short statement on what a healthy relationship looks like to you.  It clarifies what you really want and need for yourself, and marries up with your values and beliefs. It is also a point of reference for yourself.

Here’s an example to show you how this activity works.

Melanie (not her real name) came to me because she was concerned about her reactive behaviour towards her husband.  Melanie is an attractive woman in her mid-30’s and has two small children.   She loves her husband very much but conversations with him would often turn into constant bickering. She was always on the defence and became embarrassed by her behaviour.  Melanie admitted to reacting badly towards her husband through name calling, criticising and judging his every move.   This resulted in him becoming defensive and responded by mirroring Melanie’s behaviour, which ultimately resulted in continuous unresolved destructive arguments.

Melanie did not like herself and never thought she could or would behave in the manner she was.  For several years, she had told herself that it was all her husband’s fault and his behaviour was to blame for her reactions and her behaviours.   It wasn’t until a friend suggested that she had full control over her own responses and that she was giving away her power of control to her husband that she started to assess her own contribution to the breakdown of her marriage. Melanie came to me to find the right strategies for her to change her behaviour, take back control and work on repairing the relationship with her chosen life partner.

We first worked on her Relationship Vision Statement.  This was challenging for her at the start because she had spent a considerable amount of time focusing on the negatives in her relationship, rather than working on her needs and what positivity she could bring.   I encouraged Melanie to push through her barriers, which included ‘Why should I change if he doesn’t want to?’ and ‘I don’t know what I really want?’ to truly find herself again.

Melanie was able to overcome her anxiety and opened her mind to new ways of thinking. She developed a vision statement that was realistic and honoured her values and beliefs – ‘To have a relationship full of empathy, trust, love and the ability to communicate without fear, rejection or criticism.’ She needed and wanted to have the connection she once had with her husband through their everyday conversations.  

By doing the work, Melanie was able to express to her husband her feelings surrounding her needs and wants and gave her husband the safe space without conflict to open up and share his needs and wants with her.  Building a stronger and healthier connection for them both.

Now it’s your turn!

Take the time to reflect on what your relationship vision looks like for you.

Start with My Relationship Vision is…

Write down your thoughts and start reflecting on whether you are currently honouring your vision in your relationship?

Stop sabortaging, make the change you need that will support, service and build your relationship.

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